Worth – its value is priceless

Friday, June 25th, 2010 at 12:19 pm

I personally don’t like heavies, ultimatums or titles of any kind, but after hanging out with a certain dude for a month I feel that the desire for mutual respect has now come into play for me. To be honest, since meeting him I haven’t had the usual desire to seek out anyone else, I mean I’ve been open to it, but not actively participating in it, which is a strange reality for me. I’m truly intrigued and interested in this one… a guy who manages to wow me in some capacity daily is not to be taken lightly in the world of Princess Lana Love.

I always say I only expect as much as I offer, but in this case I’m actually in awe that someone could exceed my expectations. I raise and eyebrow when wondering if it can be maintained, but also applaud him for his instant success with maintaining and constantly increasing my interest. He’s way fun. Accomplished. Focused. Adventuresome. Fearless. …and a bunch of other admirable shi*. Check.

I’m of course awesome …society has established that :p But (there’s always a but), when mulling over the thought of “respect” and what that means as it pertains to me …I also have a little guy who requires the same respect. Sometimes stand-up guys have a romantic notion of stepping in as a superhero, which is the case with this particular guy. My “lived-it-and-it-aint-always-pretty” reality check cautions me that he will be tested by his notion…constantly. Because in this case it’s not just about mutual respect but a trilogy of respect.

All that being said, when my dating life comes to “crunch time” I always remember something which was said to me about 8 years back. It was so simple, yet so poignant – both then and still now. I was multi-dating as per usual, and one of the guys I had been seeing for about a month said to me: “I’m either worth it or I’m not”. And sitting there at Kits Beach, being presented with such an empowering statement on his part as he recognized his own worth and challenged me to value that or step aside, I in turn gave my head a shake at what – to him – seemed like disrespectful actions on my part to be multi-dating. Recognizing the male-clutter I had surrounded myself with and appreciating the person who sat in front of me my answer was simple – “OF COURSE you’re worth it”.

I dated that guy for 3 years, and to this day love and adore him to his core, but with no desire to be with him (for deal breaker reasons)…just entirely respect him as the amazing human he is. He taught me much and his lessons were thankfully not lost on me.

So today I had to again give my head a shake after anxiety set in at the thought of this current more-than-crush running around on some dating spree. The open knowledge of him flirting, his sport of grabbing numbers, and the hunt I know we both enjoy…all this has now come to effect me in a negative way …simply put it makes me feel like I’m not worth it. I can’t and don’t judge him because that’s also what I do and how I conduct myself (flirt, numbers, hunt), but it obviously doesn’t feel the best to think of yourself as an “option” and not a priority. It makes you wonder when you’re being ignored for another or simply because life gets busy.

To me trust is the only definitive thing which keeps people together – whether that is with your friends, family or in a relationship. For me it’s an absolute that absolutely has to be there. If it’s not, or if it’s lost …so is the relationship …without question.

Even though I’m against labels, I’m entirely into respect and integrity. If you’ve read my blogs you’ll likely know that I hold myself to a high standard when it comes to not cheating …which includes not cheating myself from what I know I deserve, and also not cheating on or with anyone, as I deem that the ultimate disrespect in life.

Being a participant in your own game is weird …finding a worthy opponent to participate with you is wild. I guess the final question everyone eventually has to ask is actually more of a statement: I’m either worth it or I’m not.