Many moons ago (that’s my 1/8th native speak :p) I had a girlfriend say to me that the destructive relationship I was in was a self-portrait of the internal value I placed on myself. Meaning, my self-worth was lacking if I thought I deserved the destruction my bf was creating and instilling in my life.

That was a hard comment to swallow. But at that moment I had a choice. I could be offended or affected by her words. I could end our friendship based on her reveal of tough love and my offence to those words, or I could thank her for being brave enough to question my behaviour, so I in turn could do the same.

It was my call. Did I want to be offended or affected?

I chose to be affected.

That day offered up knowledge and birthed wisdom. She erected a sounding board for me, from which I could daily choose to swan dive from or belly flop off of. Every action and relationship I entered into was consciously considered, as I now understood them to be a reflection of my self worth.

Did my relationships enhance my existence or withdraw from it?

Interesting how, when you reflect only on your personal truths, it makes being affected an easy choice over being offended …it’s internally infectious in the most positive of regards.

I can’t say I find it “shocking” that so may people choose to be offended. Friendships are lost, marriages battle their end in court, churches are split, countries are divided …all based on the foolish pride to choose ones offence.

Let’s be 13 for a moment. What if we thought of an offence as a truth or dare. If you’re offended, likely there’s some truth to what’s being said …take that morsel of truth and dare yourself to address it.

I think a lot of people feel secure with the insecure. Granted we ALL have our insecurities, but this doesn’t have to cause us to be insecure. It should merely keep us humble. However, allowing the shortcomings of others to be your happy place doesn’t allow you to grow out from underneath yourself.

Wrap your head around THAT one!

Most people who know me, know that disturbia is my nirvana. Being forced out of normal into challenged is my “ahhhh”. It’s an environment that helps me create, pulling from the wreckage – if you will.

So perhaps for me, being offended or affected is my playground of opportunity to look within. Now I guess it’s up to you to find a way to take someone else’s slag (offensive comment), and turn it into personal sunshine (affected result).

Message. Delivered!

Technorati Tags: Belly Flop, Bf, Destructive Relationship, Easy Choice, Foolish Pride, Friendships, Girlfriend, Insecurities, Many Moons, Morsel, Offence, Personal Truths, Reflection, Self Portrait, Self Worth, Shortcomings, Sounding Board, Swan, Swan Dive, Tough Love

Child rearing has got to be one of the most amazing highlights and challenging hardships combined. I always said it takes 50% patience, 40% creativity and 10% distraction. Add to that an additional 100% energy and you have the percentage needed to parent for the next 18 some-odd years.

I was listening to the author of “Have a new teenager by Friday”, as he spoke on a local radio station, and he said something worth sharing. “Children shouldn’t be given ultimatums, or asked permission (by their parents), they should be offered options with clear boundaries topped with a heaping helping of fun and laughter”.

He went on to say that his generation was raised in the “do it because I said so!” era. Now children are being raised in the “are you ready to go to bed yet Sally?” era, and children are so confused and led astray by their lack of boundaries and much needed guidelines.

What if we as adults had to go into a workplace where we had no clear job description, no set lunch hour, and an unclear code of ethics, do you think as a human race the majority of us would pull it together and get it right? Anarchists seem to think that type of society is capable of existing. From my personal point of view, in a society that runs itself on selfishness and boundary-less lifestyles …I vote no.

Understanding ones child seems like a daily learning experiencing, and being in tune with their talents, gifts, struggles and hidden fears, are just some of the considerations an active participant parent considers.

The term “supervised neglect” has never left my mind after hearing a father describe his ex-wife’s parenting style. Clearly a parent is not at the beck and call of their child, with the main objective being to entertain. But being cognoscente of the “who when what where how’s” of a child should definitely be parenting 101 …not just in the starting phases of upbringing, but continually revising and revamping those incites as you go.

With my son, I always felt that, if saying no would have to be followed up with a “because I said so”, than it wasn’t a valid “no”. Children don’t always need to know the details of rules, but they should be offered an age appropriate explanation, and then leave it at that.

“Have a new teenager by Friday” seems to have a lot of ideas and concepts that my mom raised my sister and I on. She was ahead of her time and I’m thankful for the strong and brave example she gave me as a parent, which I can now lend to my own parenting skills.

Good parenting doesn’t happen by default, you have to “gear up” to rear a child, through books, articles, learning from other successful parents-turned-grandparents, soak up knowledge and gain parenting “power”. And remember, most importantly – to laugh!

Technorati Tags: Boundaries, Child Rearing, Code Of Ethics, Cognoscente, Distraction, Fun And Laughter, Hardships, Hidden Fears, Job Description, Local Radio Station, Lunch Hour, Main Objective, Neglect, Parenting 101, Parenting Style, Personal Point, Selfishness, Set Lunch, Ultimatums, Upbringing

Passion is such a lost human trait in today’s laissez-faire society. Hipsters, with their androgynous style and careless -albeit cultured- attitude, are a prime example of people “caring that they don’t care”. This subculture of men and women typically are in their 20’s and 30’s who value independent thinking, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.

Hipsters reject the culturally ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often don vintage inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and thick-rimmed glasses. They want to be obscure, but are blatantly recognized in their cultural indifference.

I walked into a bar a few months ago with wall to wall hipsters. Their thick-rimmed stares didn’t hide their distain for my “seemingly” conformist (AKA stylish) sense of fashion. I guess one could say I was a cultural reject in their eyes.

Why does the culture of today insist on appearing as though they lack passion? Indifference seems to resonate loudly with the youth of this era. North American culture lacks passion in general really. It is a prevalent mindset to be passé and so commonplace that anyone outside of this narrow-minded realm is perceived as odd.

Trends, whether intended or not …are still trends. By being a non-conformist, you are my definition – conforming. It seems that originality and passion are a foregone notion. It seems incredibly difficult if not impossible to come up with a unique idea.

Our ability to Google absolutely everything, takes away from what we think are our own discoveries …or worse – ripping off other peoples’ discoveries. Perhaps that lends itself to a society which gives up before they even try, thinking it’s all been done before (shrug).

Clearly there are MANY passionate people out there. This is not the tale of the sky falling onto unfertile land. Rather it is to say …who cares what’s been done, what’s being done, and who is saying it’s cool. Create your own cool …it’s up to you to bring YOUR passion back into fashion.

Here’s the recipe to achieve greatness …start where you are, use what you have, and do all that you can. Own it. Live it. And definitely – be passionate about it!

Technorati Tags: Discoveries, Distain, Fashion Passion, Google, Hipsters, Human Trait, Indifference, Mainstream Consumers, Mindset, North American Culture, Originality, Prime Example, Shrug, Sneakers, Stares, Subculture, Thick Rimmed Glasses, Tight Fitting Jeans, Wall To Wall, Witty Banter

Being out of control of ones life seems like a scary notion. An image of a swerving vehicle comes to mind, heading straight in the direction of disaster. To think your life could swerve into oncoming doom makes you want grip tightly to your life’s circumstances, in hopes that your safety and happiness will be secure.

There are definitely ways to better ensuring your degrees of disaster in life are lessened. Example: Entering into relationships where you recognize someone as being volatile from the start should be a red flag. People don’t change; only circumstances do …usually not for the better with unhealthy individuals. Being in control of your life, you will discover, is not so much about controlling your world as it is about shaping it as you go.

Choosing your friendships from pre-school straight into the business world is step one. The cliché “you are who you hang out with” rings true for many reasons. Friendships might not always mirror your strengths, passions and lifestyle choices verbatim, but they should -in the very least- encourage and strengthen them.

Keep in mind that sometimes we are brought into peoples’ lives to be THEIR mentor. A guiding post to try and relay our thoughts and experiences to them. It’s an opportunity to see if your choices have led you to the right results, or if your advice is more inline with your desire to do right, instead of your choices to actually do so.

Life has a way of offering us lessons, and it’s up to us to heed and learn them, and by doing so – shape our lives

Patience, compassion, perseverance, honesty, letting go—all these things are possible results from lessons in life. Patience to allow your friends to go through the necessary life experiences to hopefully grow. Compassion for those who perhaps have not yet arrived at the place in life where we’re at. Perseverance to stay the course, work the job, withstand the relationships obstacles of life. Honesty …this is a big one, there are so many opportunities in life for those little white lies. This is an area of constant testing rest assured. Letting go …also difficult, whether it’s a living friend who you have to let go because their lifestyle choices are destructive and unchanging, or a dying relative you have to let go into the peace of another place, or even the dream job you worked many years building up. Letting go is a learned art, not to be mistaken for walking away and hoping the feelings of loss will resolve themselves. Letting go, I believe, involves forgiveness. Of others, and yourself.

Stepping out from the desire to control your environment, into a place where you aim to make right choices and turn away from bad decisions, is the process one can take to better shape their destiny. Controlling anyone or anything is not our right, nor a healthy stance. Allowing what is and accepting what isn’t is key in feeling right with the world, in addition to taking the steps necessary to learn and grow, will help your preparedness and circumstance meet.

Shape it ‘til ya make it!

Technorati Tags: Business World, Compassion, Destiny, Disaster, Doom, Friendships, Happiness, Life Experiences, Life Has A Way, Life Honesty, Lifestyle Choices, Mentor, Necessary Life, Notion, Obstacles, Passions, Patience, Perseverance, Pre School, Red Flag

Life can seem both daunting and repetitive at times. A Crystal Light commercial comes to mind where a woman is in her office setting and keeps stating her routine as “day in day out”. Suddenly when she changes her water to a flavoured drink, life takes on a whole new perspective.

Perspective being the operative word. I think often times we focus on the negative “day in day out” perspective, and conclude the positive to be a side dish that life offers in various servings when we “deserve” it.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Although there may be aspects of ones life they might not enjoy, they can still reflect on the positives that will, by default – force the negatives to take a back seat. Changing your perspective brings external circumstances and turns them into internal realities.

One of my friends sent me a comment: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit”. In the same token, our joy is based on what we repeatedly think about. Not only is it easy to reflect on the negative, but to those “realist” it also seems necessary. “How can we solve a problem if we don’t think about a solution”, would be their argument. True, this isn’t a “sweep your problems under the carpet” mentality, rather a “whatever is lovely, pure and of good report …dwell on these things”.

Dwelling on something and dealing with something are vastly different prerogatives. Usually if you dwell on a positive outcome, your negative circumstance will suddenly bring to light a solution. But by focusing only on the problem, the solution may never come.

We can all look back with regret in our lives. I’m sure each and every one of us could admit to something they wish they had never done, or something they wish they had. Either way, regret can consume ones heart. If it’s something you can make up for, do so. If it’s something you can’t, forgive yourself. Life’s lessons are not only brought about though positive channels, but can also have an even greater impact and life changing experience if we turn a negative experience into a life altering decision.

This past summer I participated in what I can only describe as a near death experience. For the next couple of months I was consumed by fear from this choice, I didn’t know how to fix it, change it or undo it. Then one of my friends said that I should take that fear and thank it. That I should be grateful that my choice led me to a place I would never choose again, and then every time fear brought its creepy thoughts and dark moments, to remind that fear of the gift of knowledge it had given me.

Wow. Empowering. After 2 months of terror, from that moment on I was able to embrace the gift this experience had brought with it, and turn darkness into light. So whatever your circumstances are, don’t allow them to create your reality. Turn what seems to be a powerless situation, and turn it into an empowering one.

I think people have two motivations in life. To gain power or to be empowered. Both types will “rage against the system” holding rallies and creating protests, either to feel powerful against a society who seemingly won’t listen, or to feel empowered about a cause that has impacted their life. The difference between the two, is that a person seeking power is likely doing so based on fear …they want to gain their outer world because their inner world is weak and without form. Whereas those who seek to empower themselves, take fear and embrace the lesson it taught them.

Colour your reality with vibrant beauty; don’t allow fear to paint your life’s portrait with its limited shades of grey. After all, you’re life is won by one – you. It’s up to you to make your choices …and with so many fun colours in the crayon box – why choose grey?

Much love ♥

Technorati Tags: Back Seat, Carpet, Circumstance, Crystal Light, Dwelling, External Circumstances, Friends, Habit, Heart, Mentality, New Perspective, Operative Word, Prerogatives, Realist, Realities, Side Dish, Token, Truth, Won By One

My heart broke today after reading a story of a two year old little girl who got hit, not once but twice in China by two different oncoming vans. It went on to say that for an unconscionable span of 7 minutes, over 18 people walked by …either oblivious or indifferent to the shattered body of the little girl dying on the street. Finally a man went and picked her up, but she later died of her injuries.

How have we become so resigned to our surroundings that this incredibly devastating accident could go unnoticed to so many for so long? How many of us will hear this story, silently sob is disbelief but continue on with our self-absorbed lives? Clearly the majority of us will read this and feel sickened, but there will be a teeny tiny percentage of who will actually take this information and actively look to make better choices in our daily lives. To aim for conscious living, being aware – not of our surface surroundings, but of the deeper issues going on despite us.

Did you know that a child dies of some form of abuse every 4 days in Canada? We see the atrocities on the news of other countries and how they treat their citizens, but barely a murmur is uttered about our own indiscretions within our own country.

Having a child who I live and would die for, I can’t imagine witnessing or being privy to any knowledge of abuse without making strong and clear action against it.

But it’s my lack of “knowing” which concerns me. How can I become more conscious of my surroundings and be a participant (not a busybody – fine line) in the wandering lives around me. How can we ALL become more conscious? Media definitely bombards us and creates a diminished sense of reality. Our “feelers” are turned to mute so that the information overload we’re subjected to is no longer heard. Unfortunately it’s still felt. We internalize this information and by doing so externalize our lack of empathy in a subconscious way.

Consciousness consciousness consciousness. I can’t stress this state of being enough. Not as a sermon being preached to the cyber world, but as a reminder to me to open my eyes and my heart to those around me. Meet the neighbours. Greet the people I encounter. Strike up conversation on the playground. Get off the phone and start being an active participant in life. We only have once chance at it after all.

The time stolen by technology will not be returned …not a micro-bit of it. Don’t be going on a treasure hunt at the end of life looking for it’s lost meaning.
Life’s treasures are stored up for you in the here and now, and it’s up to us to daily discover these “lost” treasures.

We should not have to live in a world where the tiny treasure of a two-year-old baby girl goes unrecognized. She was born with worth regardless of the lack of value 18 peoples (unknowingly) put on her life. The conscious world recognizes her worth and morns her loss. May the angels raise her well in a place where only love is known, and may she eternally enjoy her new playground paved in gold!

Technorati Tags: Atrocities, Choices, Citizens, Conscious Living, Consciousness, Disbelief, Feelers, Indiscretions, Information Overload, Lack Of Empathy, Little Girl, Lost Treasure, Murmur, Participant, Privy, Sense Of Reality, Span, Surroundings, Tiny Percentage, Vans

Having a, or better yet – THE title, is socially imperative in today’s culture. I remember at one particular company I worked for, people would nearly bribe the boss to get a “better” title. A Sales Rep wanted to be an Account Executive, a high ranking Account Executive wanted to be a Senior Account Executive …and on it went. Doctors, lawyers, pastors, dentists, friends, partners, mothers, fathers …these are just some of the titles individuals gain either in accredited universities, or earn via the hard knocks of life.

But not all “like” titles are created equal. I was recently discussing with a friend how most men are simply allowed to be dads (some exceptions apply of course, and I’m proud to know those dads) while women are generally expected to be super moms. The career woman, the events coordinator, the educator, the disciplinarian. We’re the ones who find the daycares, the schools, the sporting events, the music lessons; we plan the birthdays and the play-dates, the family vacations and the day trips. We cultivate friendships for our children’s sake. We run a household and balance the checkbook all amidst the aforementioned …in yet, if you remove “career woman” from that long list of duties, suddenly the title “mom” seems lacking to the upper echelon of society.

Only now, as I find myself “unemployed”, have I considered my title “Mom” as an important calling and a valid mission. Hell, I AM a CSO, a CFO, a President, and Manager …what other title is there beyond God, which trumps mom? Tell me …I dare you

A couple years back I remember checking out a promotional companies website, and the owner of the company had his name below his picture, and underneath that he didn’t give himself a business title, but rather a life title. Dad.

If only we put our “life titles” ahead of our credentials. If we fail our children but succeed in business, at the end of life – what have we gained?

Why does society put such an emphasis on our career choices and validate the title we receive on our business cards, but overlooks our parenting skills and our child rearing accomplishments. Ever notice a well-mannered, well-behaved child? Yes, you likely did because so many other children are quite the opposite …rude, tear up the town terrors! We have a society filled with misfits because we’re a working class society who has little time for our offspring, sadly.

Of course there are many success stories of rag to riches children who grew up in an absentee household and flourished in spite of it all. There are a lot of moms and dads roaming the earth, some choose to parent while others opt for supervised neglect. Parenting, as with anything, is about progress not perfection, it’s a daily test in any and all areas one would think they could be tested.

If we gain the world but have not love (family), it’s all in vain. I guess if you revere your title, your promotion is a daily occurrence of tiny successes.

Signed,
Mom

Technorati Tags: Account Executive, Accredited Universities, Business Title, Career Woman, Checkbook, Cso, Day Trips, Disciplinarian, Echelon, Family Vacations, Friends Partners, Friendships, Hard Knocks, Music Lessons, Pastors, Promotional Companies, Sales Rep, Title Wave, Trumps, Upper Echelon

This Summer I enjoyed a wedding reception 2.5 years in the making. One of my closest male friends married a girl he had met in the gym, who – upon first meeting, had called me to announce she was the girl he was going to marry.

Was it a case of “love at first sight”? Or perhaps the ominous “when you know you know”? Mmh …I would say more like keen interest combined with lust. Whoever came up with “love at first sight” was likely a woman. I don’t think there’s a man on this planet who would cite such a phrase, but would agree their sight is based on lust not love.

So despite this declaration of my friend stating she was the “woman I’m going to marry”, this twosome spent the next 2.5 years moving in and out of relationships, while maintaining contact strictly through the gym. Until the day the timing was right and the moment was now.

Even then, their budding relationship was questioned initially with fear. “Does she really like me?” played on my friends head, and backing out was a consideration. Lucky for both, they stayed the course and discovered that, although their fears were mutual, thankfully so was their interest.

Lust grew to interest, interest grew to knowing, knowing grew to understanding, and understand grew to love.

So when an assortment of my friends tell me “when you know you know” …I question that “knowing” phase being different for everyone. Sure there’s a strong interest, but that has to be backed by valid points, viewed lifestyles, varied situations, …and then the validated “knowing”.

For those of us who think too much, “knowing” is a never-ending phase of learning. If we feel we ever know, we pick up and continue to learn. So “knowing that we know” that we’re with the “it” person …well, takes time to consider, grow, and affirm.

Love at first sight is neither possible nor plausible. Love requires complete selfless participation. Rock on with your lust at first sight. Carry on with your “knowing that you know” for your psychic few …but for the rest of us… let’s get to know whomever we’re with before sending out our invitations shall we?!

Technorati Tags: Assortment, Fear, Fears, First Meeting, Friends Head, Interest Interest, Keen Interest, Lifestyles, Love At First Sight, Lust, Male Friends, Moving, Participation, Phrase, Relationship, Relationships, Santa Claus, Twosome, Wedding Reception

The mirror of life tends to have bad lighting no matter the angle. It will show you without prejudice, every internal scar, stretch mark and blemish you might not have known you had. However, if you’re willing to truly take a look at what’s staring back at you in the mirror of self-reflection, maybe…just maybe …one could grow.

For me, having friends who have the ability to reflect on their inner strengths AND weaknesses, is an integral part of our relationship. Having the ability to be introspective, and with it – humble, is a rare quality. I think everyone has the ability to attain and grow this strength, but few do.

Why? Because it’s a meek characteristic. Ironically, meekness is required to BE meek. Or at least the apt willingness to do so. It’s having the personal leadership to say, “I don’t know it all, how can I grow”. Instead of “I have it all figured out, look at me”.

Shining is an important part and/or result of introspection, so don’t mistake meek for “shy”. It’s been said that; “the meek shall inherit the earth”. That’s a comforting quote to those of us who don’t like to shout above the crowds for our recognition.

“The meek shall inherit the earth” …I would love to delve into that quote (actually a biblical verse) more and know why that was said. In my opinion, I would think that, because the meek are defined as “humble”, they likely would inherit the earth because they don’t squander their power as an outward assertion, but rather utilize their power as an inner reflection. Thus creating someone who is open to receiving what he or she SHOULD instead of what they CAN.

Hmm …perhaps I just answered my own question! Food for thought for even me. Now go …self-reflect ☺

Technorati Tags: Assertion, Biblical Verse, Blemish, Crowds, Food For Thought, Inner Reflection, Inner Strengths, Introspection, Ironically, Meek Shall Inherit The Earth, Meekness, Mirror Of Life, Personal Leadership, Prejudice, Rare Quality, Scar, Self Reflection, Strengths And Weaknesses, Stretch Mark, Willingness

Relationships are a daunting project in compromise, combined with that perfect mix of lifestyle choices, commonalities, chemistry etc. But let’s face it, when you’re into someone, you’re just into them. Warts and all. In my hefty dating life experience I know one thing to be true, you’re either in or you’re out. And when you’re in, so much of what you’d normally be “out” for, somehow gets the hall pass.

Same goes for friendships. It’s hard to find that rare combo package that comes with all the refreshments of an overpriced movie theatre concession stand. However, unlike the lack of value you get re-mortgaging your house for a trip to the theatre, a bff of true proportions definitely outweighs value to cost.

As you grow older, you have more life experiences to share with family, friends, and that special someone. As such, you tend to surround yourself with the type of people who best represent and enhance who you are, and challenge and encourage who you still strive to become.

However, static in relationships is the common denominator we all share. Static is often first thought of as radio noise. That annoying sound representing dead air between stations. Static is also defined as something being “still and unchanging”. In a relationship setting, it is an amalgamation of both descriptions really, bringing with it quiet chaos in various forms. Sometimes our friendships have noisy bouts of fighting between our channels in life, requiring us to sift, shift and refocus these friendships. While at other times it’s the quiet moments which might be challenging. Friends who have moved apart from one another and can’t grab a coffee or share a dinner …a fight of the mind. This is a challenging “mind over matter” scenario as presence is such a big part of any partnership.

But in the end, if you’re into them you’re into them. Friendship and relationships alike, we will bob and weave the jabs and jeers of our 1 (wo)man crowd, and endure the silent treatment of distance that divides us. Because – after all, a bff or a true love is so rare, that you embrace what is …and understand that the rest is just static.

Technorati Tags: Amalgamation, Annoying Sound, Bff, Bouts, Common Denominator, First Thought, Friendships, Jabs, Jeers, Life Experience, Life Experiences, Lifestyle Choices, Man Crowd, Mind Over Matter, Movie Theatre, Perfect Mix, Quiet Moments, Radio Noise, True Proportions, Warts