It’s sad that death is what brings a lot of people back to life. Experiencing a death of a loved one is a sorrowful reminder in questioning yourself if you’re truly living your best and fullest life. It also tends to be a time to reflect on whom your life is surrounded with, and if everyone in it is living their best and mutually investing in life with you.

Society has a way of skewing what’s important in relationships, and we often approach them from a “look out for #1” stance, instead of appreciating and respecting all people in love. Now when I say “all people” I don’t mean the blatantly undeserving sorts who use and abuse you, but rather the people who choose to love and respect you and invest the best way they know how. Those people should not be blown off for the “better” relationship version on your quest to “best”.

A bible verse from childhood, which has always stuck with me, has been: “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, joy, and a sound mind”. Regardless of who you consider “God” to be, I think this verse can ring true for everybody. God/The Universe …did not instill fear in us at birth; rather it’s something we learn as we grow up. As a kid there’s little fear of embarrassment and/or rejection, it’s something we learn due to human cruelty.

Every negative emotion is related to fear. Anger = fear. Jealousy = fear. Greed = fear. So when we remove fear from the equation and don’t let it run our lives or dictate our choice, then, and I feel – only then, can we be our best and brightest selves.

Scenario. When approaching someone new, we often (if not always) are thinking of what they think of US instead of how we can best care and consider them in the situation. It’s human nature to self-protect to ensure you survive this thing called life. But what an enlightened path we could walk if we were able to approach everyone in love. I don’t mean the lust filled, or romantically inclined sort of love; I mean the selfless caring kind of agape love. Agape love represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. It is meant to be the highest and purest form of love, one that surpasses all other types of affection.

Wow, what a different world we’d live in if that was how we approached life, instead of the frequently used “what’s in it for me” kind of false living.

If the death of a loved one is the opportunity to rebirth new life in us, ideally the new life birthed is one of positive change, and we don’t take these inevitable life experiences and turn it into destructive, fear-based living. Love, joy and a sound mind …I would sign up for that. I say Rest In Peace people. Death to fear …I much prefer to take life on under the umbrella of love, surrounding myself with people who are willing to do the same.

~ in memory of my Grandfather: Phil Hanson 1927-2011. Until we meet again.

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I’ve heard it said all too often that “an ex is an ex for a reason”, but my forgiving heart has a hard time accepting that theory. Do people change? In my estimation, no (unless seriously traumatized which is a whole other blog post). But can people grow? Absolutely. I feel if we’re not continually growing, we’re slowly and voluntarily shrinking in character and qualities relating to our personality.

That being said, if an ex so happens to re-surface in ones life, should it be an automatic dismissal based on your previous experience with that person, or is there room for a 2nd or even 3rd chance? Having been the participant of a few revisited relationships, I can vouch via experience that it is possible to rekindle a fire which was previously extinguished. However, has it resulted in “ever after”? No. Why? Because, although these individuals grew personally, they still were stunted in the relationship dynamics which broke down the relationship in the first place. Would this be consistently true for all re-attempts? Not at all.

I think people come into our lives for a reason, and to deny anyone access into re-entering your life might be doing you a disservice. A lot of times people come into our lives to teach us lessons and help us grow. If we don’t learn it from one particular person, you’re sure to have that lesson resurface in another.

Why then would we close ourselves off to an ex so long as these people are healthy individuals who add to your life, who you have known and love(d) at one point, would it not be the wiser choice to return from whence you came with a willing partner, then to start anew? Some would argue no that it’s simply wasting your time on something you already know to have failed. But wouldn’t that also ring true for someone new coming into your life? Failure can come in a new package just as easily, or even easier than an old package.

I guess in my mind, the only way in which reuniting with an ex is a waste of time, is if they are simply filler filling a momentary void until you arrive at your “true” destination. An ex can mark the spot for sure, just be sure that they’re not marking the spot to your relay race of ex’s. Forgiveness is one thing; a recycling relay is a whole other.

Peace out.

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I’ve been hearing a lot lately about how little value people feel their partners are putting into their relationships, and thus – them. Since when did the value of value go down? Regardless of if you’re 4 or 40, I think, no I know, it’s human nature to want to feel valued. Granted everyone’s value system varies, but that’s why it’s oh-so-important to know your partners rating system.

A good place to start is my favourite cheat sheet method, the Five Love Languages.
Reminder, they are: Gifts, Affection, Quality Time, Affirmation and Acts of Service. Find your primary, know your secondary and accept the other three as a bi-product of a healthy relationship. However, more importantly, discover your partners love language, accept it, embrace it and giddyup y’all!

The most frustrating relationship breakdown I’ve heard time and again, is when a partner believes their relationship should be self-sustaining. Relationship Rule 101: humans have needs and these needs vary from person to person. If you want to be in a relationship, expect to meet …or dare I challenge you with, EXCEED those needs.

Some people “get it” very easily in terms of picking up on what someone else may require and/or desire at any given time, and they address the issue BEFORE it becomes an issue. Smart, seemingly simple …and most of all – caring.

So next time you’re wondering if flowers are worth the price, maybe don’t consider the cost in terms of a dollar figure, but rather consider the value of the human they’re intended for. After all “value” isn’t a price point, it’s the “worth” or “importance” you place on that given person place or thing.

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