This Summer I enjoyed a wedding reception 2.5 years in the making. One of my closest male friends married a girl he had met in the gym, who – upon first meeting, had called me to announce she was the girl he was going to marry.

Was it a case of “love at first sight”? Or perhaps the ominous “when you know you know”? Mmh …I would say more like keen interest combined with lust. Whoever came up with “love at first sight” was likely a woman. I don’t think there’s a man on this planet who would cite such a phrase, but would agree their sight is based on lust not love.

So despite this declaration of my friend stating she was the “woman I’m going to marry”, this twosome spent the next 2.5 years moving in and out of relationships, while maintaining contact strictly through the gym. Until the day the timing was right and the moment was now.

Even then, their budding relationship was questioned initially with fear. “Does she really like me?” played on my friends head, and backing out was a consideration. Lucky for both, they stayed the course and discovered that, although their fears were mutual, thankfully so was their interest.

Lust grew to interest, interest grew to knowing, knowing grew to understanding, and understand grew to love.

So when an assortment of my friends tell me “when you know you know” …I question that “knowing” phase being different for everyone. Sure there’s a strong interest, but that has to be backed by valid points, viewed lifestyles, varied situations, …and then the validated “knowing”.

For those of us who think too much, “knowing” is a never-ending phase of learning. If we feel we ever know, we pick up and continue to learn. So “knowing that we know” that we’re with the “it” person …well, takes time to consider, grow, and affirm.

Love at first sight is neither possible nor plausible. Love requires complete selfless participation. Rock on with your lust at first sight. Carry on with your “knowing that you know” for your psychic few …but for the rest of us… let’s get to know whomever we’re with before sending out our invitations shall we?!

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Relationships are a daunting project in compromise, combined with that perfect mix of lifestyle choices, commonalities, chemistry etc. But let’s face it, when you’re into someone, you’re just into them. Warts and all. In my hefty dating life experience I know one thing to be true, you’re either in or you’re out. And when you’re in, so much of what you’d normally be “out” for, somehow gets the hall pass.

Same goes for friendships. It’s hard to find that rare combo package that comes with all the refreshments of an overpriced movie theatre concession stand. However, unlike the lack of value you get re-mortgaging your house for a trip to the theatre, a bff of true proportions definitely outweighs value to cost.

As you grow older, you have more life experiences to share with family, friends, and that special someone. As such, you tend to surround yourself with the type of people who best represent and enhance who you are, and challenge and encourage who you still strive to become.

However, static in relationships is the common denominator we all share. Static is often first thought of as radio noise. That annoying sound representing dead air between stations. Static is also defined as something being “still and unchanging”. In a relationship setting, it is an amalgamation of both descriptions really, bringing with it quiet chaos in various forms. Sometimes our friendships have noisy bouts of fighting between our channels in life, requiring us to sift, shift and refocus these friendships. While at other times it’s the quiet moments which might be challenging. Friends who have moved apart from one another and can’t grab a coffee or share a dinner …a fight of the mind. This is a challenging “mind over matter” scenario as presence is such a big part of any partnership.

But in the end, if you’re into them you’re into them. Friendship and relationships alike, we will bob and weave the jabs and jeers of our 1 (wo)man crowd, and endure the silent treatment of distance that divides us. Because – after all, a bff or a true love is so rare, that you embrace what is …and understand that the rest is just static.

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…but you can’t take the play out of the girl!”

I was talking to one of my friends recently about how relationships are beneficial in all other seasons but Summer, and referenced myself in saying: “you can take the girl off the field, but you can’t take the play out of the girl!”.

Now don’t get me wrong, of course you can EDURE a relationships over the funshine months, but does it go against human nature? One has to wonder (heh heh).

Take, for instance – Fall. Fall brings with it chilly air and cozy sweaters, and what’s better than a fireplace crackling whilst a romantic comedy plays, and some form of “relationship material” is snuggled up next to you? Perfect. I can completely concur with that scenario.

Then winter storms in with its fluffy white head, and who doesn’t like spending Christmas with someone other than or in addition to (depending on your dynamics) your immediate family. Plus if your relationship at hand is also partaking in the feast festivities, you’re not the only one getting frumpy around the belt-line, so each are forced to like the other for their over-indulgences. Excellent.

Then there’s spring …which brings with it the promise of new life. A hit and miss season for relationships in my estimation, but I’m just the peanut gallery keep in mind. On one hand you might be thinking of starting or adding to your new family. Love marriage baby carriage (new life) idea. On the other hand, you might have started thinking of the new life you want without the frumpy partner who still has yet to lose that 20 lbs brought on by the aforementioned feast festivities. Isn’t there a saying that goes something like …“spring has sprung that grass has rizz, I wonder where my girlfriend is?”. Perhaps I’m misquoting

I’m mortified that Summer is drawing to a close – we know this, but I say Fall give me your best shot …if nothing else it gives me a fresh reason to buy cozy sweaters and a new pair of lululemons. But don’t you ever think that just because the playing field of summer is closed for the season, that the play the summer season holds will be in time out. Ooooooooooone. Twoooooooooooo. Threeeeeeeeeeee. Count all you like, I’ll still stomp my foot, huff my hmph and play on the best way I know how. Gypsy style!

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