I personally don’t like heavies, ultimatums or titles of any kind, but after hanging out with a certain dude for a month I feel that the desire for mutual respect has now come into play for me. To be honest, since meeting him I haven’t had the usual desire to seek out anyone else, I mean I’ve been open to it, but not actively participating in it, which is a strange reality for me. I’m truly intrigued and interested in this one… a guy who manages to wow me in some capacity daily is not to be taken lightly in the world of Princess Lana Love.

I always say I only expect as much as I offer, but in this case I’m actually in awe that someone could exceed my expectations. I raise and eyebrow when wondering if it can be maintained, but also applaud him for his instant success with maintaining and constantly increasing my interest. He’s way fun. Accomplished. Focused. Adventuresome. Fearless. …and a bunch of other admirable shi*. Check.

I’m of course awesome …society has established that :p But (there’s always a but), when mulling over the thought of “respect” and what that means as it pertains to me …I also have a little guy who requires the same respect. Sometimes stand-up guys have a romantic notion of stepping in as a superhero, which is the case with this particular guy. My “lived-it-and-it-aint-always-pretty” reality check cautions me that he will be tested by his notion…constantly. Because in this case it’s not just about mutual respect but a trilogy of respect.

All that being said, when my dating life comes to “crunch time” I always remember something which was said to me about 8 years back. It was so simple, yet so poignant – both then and still now. I was multi-dating as per usual, and one of the guys I had been seeing for about a month said to me: “I’m either worth it or I’m not”. And sitting there at Kits Beach, being presented with such an empowering statement on his part as he recognized his own worth and challenged me to value that or step aside, I in turn gave my head a shake at what – to him – seemed like disrespectful actions on my part to be multi-dating. Recognizing the male-clutter I had surrounded myself with and appreciating the person who sat in front of me my answer was simple – “OF COURSE you’re worth it”.

I dated that guy for 3 years, and to this day love and adore him to his core, but with no desire to be with him (for deal breaker reasons)…just entirely respect him as the amazing human he is. He taught me much and his lessons were thankfully not lost on me.

So today I had to again give my head a shake after anxiety set in at the thought of this current more-than-crush running around on some dating spree. The open knowledge of him flirting, his sport of grabbing numbers, and the hunt I know we both enjoy…all this has now come to effect me in a negative way …simply put it makes me feel like I’m not worth it. I can’t and don’t judge him because that’s also what I do and how I conduct myself (flirt, numbers, hunt), but it obviously doesn’t feel the best to think of yourself as an “option” and not a priority. It makes you wonder when you’re being ignored for another or simply because life gets busy.

To me trust is the only definitive thing which keeps people together – whether that is with your friends, family or in a relationship. For me it’s an absolute that absolutely has to be there. If it’s not, or if it’s lost …so is the relationship …without question.

Even though I’m against labels, I’m entirely into respect and integrity. If you’ve read my blogs you’ll likely know that I hold myself to a high standard when it comes to not cheating …which includes not cheating myself from what I know I deserve, and also not cheating on or with anyone, as I deem that the ultimate disrespect in life.

Being a participant in your own game is weird …finding a worthy opponent to participate with you is wild. I guess the final question everyone eventually has to ask is actually more of a statement: I’m either worth it or I’m not.

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…is one of my favourite quotes up to this point in my existence. It can be used in all areas of life and should not be taken in a tone of cocky arrogance, but rather content confidence that you can’t force people to like you. You can only be your best you and cut your losses with whomever isn’t cool with that.

Regardless of if it’s a job interview, meeting potential friends, or dealing with the dating scene …it all carries the same relevance when it comes to the fact that you can’t change who you are. You should definitely GROW who you are always and forever, but your personality and core character traits are pretty much set in stone.

Often people begin to freak out once they meet someone they’re really into, fears of dismissal begin to surface and people begin to display various forms of fear-based self-preservation. It’s human nature to want to be liked and/or respected, but it’s not human nor natural to be a chameleon. Leave that to the lizard world to change their colours to fit their environment …we need to stay true to who we are and represent that proudly. Altering yourself to fit someone else’s agenda, expectations, or criteria, will not be a lasting modification; rather in will wear on you until you finally fade back to your true self.

Why squander their time or yours. Time is too precious to be spent on those who don’t respect and appreciate you for you. People have to stop freaking out that their like/lust/love interest might not dig them….because there’s simply nothing you can do about that, and there are too many people who will value you for exactly who you are in this very moment. If you’re honestly being the best you can be without revealing too much too soon, or withholding the same …then that’s all there is my friends.

With so many clichés out there (whatever’s meant to be will be, only time will tell, let the best (wo)man win) …the one I adhere to most which breaks agendas down to the truest of truths is simply: if you like me great, if you don’t – great!

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Setting your own bar in the dating world can backfire if you have set that bar too high to continually and consistently sustain. Most choose to go about dating under-promising and over-delivering (if you’re lucky), which allows for the opportunity to occasionally surprise …keeping everyone happy at an attainable pace. Those who blow you away right out of the gate have a hard(er) task ahead of them as expectations are already elevated. If you instantly shock and amaze, and then bail in any capacity, boredom can quickly set in, as the output wanes to a lesser input. And boredom can cause, well …mayhem.

Don’t get me wrong, wowing someone will get their attention for sure, but weaning them from that wow can have an adverse effect. Unless a girl has a strong grasp on life (her own in particular), and doesn’t need to be fed the “wow” on a consistent basis, she’ll be content in knowing she’ll be wowed again …and again …but maybe just not as often as initiated. However, if the wow was what snagged her and she has no backup plan or life agenda …she might pull a PO’d routine for, what would seem like, a bait and switch on his part.

Guys wow differently than girls. Girls lure with our good looks and (possible) personalities, and then (for some) once a guy is in, they pull a bitch and ditch. Why? Cause its part of the game. The “get” is “it” for them. The “got” just simply doesn’t have the same rush. Guys (again, some) will wow us with their can-do attitude, plans of plenty and gifts o’ grandeur…and then once they bag you, leave you begging for more …the tit for tat tease.

How can you have it all? Simple. Play the same game. Now when I say “game” I don’t mean play with someone’s mind or emotions, but know how to get what you want by giving them what THEY want also. Find their trigger points and blow them away …pow, bam, bang! It keeps everyone on their toes dodging bullets with ammunition they themselves handed you.

This type of shooting range can be exhilarating, and can keep a relationship quite fresh and alive because it’s all about attending to others’ needs and wants, while still getting your own addressed. So if you want to set the bar high …great …we love it. Maintaining that bar is the key …because man, woman or child, if you’re spoiled and then that’s removed …temper tantrums aren’t far off …and screaming is only pleasant in certain environments. Ballee dat!

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