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With the latest Sex and the City flick about to hit the box office, all females and/or persons which label themselves as “she”, are eagerly anticipating this label-heavy, friendship-steady, timeless tale.
I’ve heard from so many people (men and women) that friendships are not as readily available, or consistently ready as they once were. Although fiction, the friendship found in Carrie’s vastly varied crew, seem to endure what most reality cannot these days. We walk away far too easily from friends, figuring that a new one will be much easier to acquire than fixing an old one. What a sad disrespect to the rare gift which is true friendship.
I dare say that true friends have an increased importance to that of a romantic relationship, and will likely (and sadly) outlast one. Romantic relationships have a certain “understanding”. If you’ve ever heard the song “Sexual Healing”, its a true relationship lullaby which sums up how fights can often be tossed once some hanky-panky is handed out …which of course is something we don’t usually do in a friendship setting (some exceptions apply :p).
What we need to remember, and often omit, is that friendships require verbal censoring. As mature adults, we know that fine line between brutal honesty and reserving ones opinion because you know your truth may not be their truth, in yet often cross it.
Bff’s in my lifetime have been plentiful yet scattered. I have my tiny town “grew-up-with-you” friends… a place which I am so thankful for gaining my grounded country roots. Most of those friends still reside there and I truly admire their ability to sustain the simple life. These pre-teen friendships were based on innocence, in a time and place where looks and background didn’t matter. It was about fun, not functionality. Something sadly lost as you climb into the abyss of society.
My teen years we moved to a slightly larger metropolis which introduced me to my high-school friends, and gave me a taste of city, also allowing my spiritual roots to further ground me. Most, if not all of these friends, have maintained their strong spiritual background of which, again – I admire.
My adult life I found myself at home in Vancouver. Possibly daunting to my small-town friends, potentially debauchery-bound to my spiritual friends, but to my then-new city-dwelling friends… it’s my reality. These friends are the ones who have watched me discover who I am and flourish into the woman I’ve become.
True friends are incredible treasures and begin with personal strength and timeless endurance. Personal strength, however, should not be mistaken for overbearing thoughts and opinions. Rather it should lend itself to thoughtful opinions which bare gentleness, kindness, meekness …all those great attributes which define love. In the same token, timeless endurance does not mean sitting back in your rocking chair 80 years later waiting out a disaster you believe, with all intense conviction, that the other person is responsible and solely required to account for their wrong-doing.
Differences of opinion in relationship values will always exist and be further created the older one gets. Romantic relationships are acquired…she likes to be connected at the hip with her man; you still enjoy your independence and “insert bf here as needed”. You have a child and your friend doesn’t like to share your time with the new needy creature. You change careers and find that your social circles are a little more square and don’t fit the shape of your friends’ lifestyle. The list goes on…
Wars are waged on difference of opinions, lifestyles, beliefs, and what’s deemed most important to that society over the others’. Friendships are much the same. Everyone has a different “most-important” list which they subscribe to, and perhaps if we could learn to respect and appreciate our difference, we could better enhance our own lives with the variety we see these savvy Sex and the City girls enjoying (OR enduring) in their fiercely different friendships.
True, some sad realities are gained over the years as you experience friendships can’t always overcome the thick and thin. Pretty worlds crumble and reality sits its dumpy ass in your “thought-I-knew-you-wtf” life. Busy lives lend themselves to bff’s based on convenience, proximity, and/or intense commonalities …it’s no longer about “just fun”, rather it’s mutually understood that you’ll see one another if and when it works for both parties. Sad? Sure. Suffice? Sadly.
I wouldn’t be too far a venture in saying that friendships of modern-day are far-flung ….whether that means your friends live over a bridge in a nearby city, or at the far end of the country …it’s our reality that proximity is an issue. However, it shouldn’t be our reason for discarding of our once near and dear friendships. Facebook is a great fix for this space problem. It can potentially suck the real-life out of you if you allow such social media to de-socialize your life, but if your aim is to maintain friendships with those who live too far to hang with or hug …an occasional cyber poke or wall post is hopefully enough to say “you mattered”.
Potentially our BEST friendships will come when we best know ourselves …or better yet …when we best know how to treat others. Empathy vs criticism are just a couple of the balls we juggle with friends…but try to cut down on other circus acts …no one likes to walk a tightrope. The failure rate is too great. Thoughts: …defuse the drama…deal with the facts first…hear out and respond to concerns/issues…reserve judgment calls.
To all my friends past present and future I want you to know I appreciate the gift of knowledge your friendship has given, the test of time many of you have endured, and apologize for challenging you far too often and accepting you far too little. Grace should never be lost in ones quest for excellence. Eternal xo’s!
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I was once told that success is moving from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm. Although I agree with that, I myself think that there is no such thing as failure.
Every attempt we make at life is a lesson learnt and a stepping stone to wisdom. Now don’t mistake knowledge for wisdom. I have also mentioned that wisdom is the APPLICATION of knowledge. Many might “know” …few will “apply”.
There are so many people who walk away from relationships and CHOOSE to fail the lesson. Now of course there are two sides to every story and then the truth, but regardless of what YOUR truth is, the fact remains that people come into your life in order for you to learn a lesson. If you choose not to…that same person will come around… same lesson …different face.
I hold on to relationships to a possible fault. Not the “romance” of the relationship per se, but even when my boyfriends and I part ways, I still choose to be friends with them. I can honestly say I’m friends with 89% of my boyfriends. And the other 11% I cut loose due to lying and/or cheating of some kind …those people don’t deserve my friendship.
However, I find it to be resoundingly true that the vast majority of people walk away from the one they once loved and never speak to them again. I understand the pain involved and/or respecting the new person you might be involved with, but when one walks away from “love” and they replace it with hate, I find that to be the biggest lesson lost and the saddest failure at what could have been success.
If we were more successful at our failures, what we would come to realize is that every loss has a gain, and that ideally at the end of life we can take all those gains and conclude our life a glorious success.
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